Jah forgive me, for I am a sinner.

           I don’t know when, where and how to start again. If I were to turn back the time, I preferably choose to serve God zealously than to study diligently in school. I don’t have somebody to lean on and somebody whom I can talk to with my problems. It’s really the hardest thing that I’ve ever experienced in my life.
 It’s hard for me being compared with my co-youth in the congregation. We were baptized at the same time but they are now more trained and more spiritually active in serving God. No matter what happen, serving God is the highest profession and the most important responsibility a man can do. This June 2011, I will be a 2 year-old publisher. And I know in myself that I didn’t grow that much. I admit that I took the time for granted. The time flashed so quickly and I was blinded with so many not important things. I didn’t notice that I was wasting too much time with school works. I felt so much guilt with my actions. And my conscience makes me cry all the time.
 I skipped a lot of meetings and preachings because of school works and activities. Honestly, it’s really not that easy to be a student in the laboratory high school.  I face too much pressure and too much headaches in my stay in our school. Our life is much different in national high schools. Most of the national high schools have 8 subjects. This fourth year, we have 14 subjects, almost twice as much with the subjects of the national high schools. Our schedule is loaded and we don’t have any vacant time from Monday to Friday. Friday is scheduled to be our midweek. And our last subject in Friday happened to end on 5:30 or 5:45. It’s also hard to ride immediately in going home since it is Friday. Mostly, I arrive at the house almost 6:30. My lola always left me because the midweek starts at 6:00 pm. Every Friday, I always go to Sogod to ride a bus via Bato but I always fail to catch the last trip. My cousins always share feedbacks about me and that turned me down so much. I always feel ashamed every time I face to brothers and sisters. I’m afraid on what they might be saying about me.
 I can’t deny that I always compare myself with my co-youth. They are now too far compared to me and the blame is all on me. After the session on Sundays, I always felt hard to talk comfortably with them. They tackle with their fun experiences together. I get jealous at times because I don’t have many moments that we’ve bonded together. Though it is with sadness that we don’t get to bond together always, I appreciate a lot how they reach to mingle with me. I am a person who is “kuhitonon pa” and my co-youth do their best to communicate with me. I will cherish them forever. They are role models to all youths. 
 I really wanted to talk with the elders or to the brothers and sisters all the time, but the fear takes over me. I was thinking that it may be awkward talking with them about this problem. I don’t have that close relationship to the brothers and sisters. School works and my shyness became a hindrance for me to mingle with them. I really wanted to build a bridge to them but I don’t know why I can’t make it. I always ask Jehovah to pour on me the Holy Spirit that may guide and give knowledge in my journey of serving Him.
 In the end of March, I will graduate in high school and I will leave the province. Soon, I will be transferred to Paso de blas congregation. And I will serve Jehovah at my very best and follow the footsteps of Jesus. The end is near and every second is important. I should not waste the time and my strength of my youthful life.
 I’ll be attending college this June. But I’m still thinking to stop a year. I want to take time serving God ardently. I want to build and grow first spiritually before attending in college. College is full crazy things and temptations. And I want to prepare myself to protect my spirituality. If Ill not be granted with my family on this decision, I will do my best to balance study and spirituality. And I must not seek first other things over serving Jehovah. Today, I ask nothing but a peaceful mind to decide aptly.
 In times of my weakness, I know Jehovah is the first one that I should call on to. And I hope this confession proves that I sincerely apologize for my deeds. I may didn’t do the right balance but I know it’s never too late to start again.

Yaya,,stop!

            Sometimes I get annoyed with our yaya because she used to shout when talking to somebody. I always feel shocked when her mouth starts to opeN. ahhhh...She says bad words all the time. She brings negative vibes to the home..hehehe:D..But she's a good yaya after all. She cleans the house diligently and wakes up early in the morning..peace yaya!!:D

WAKE UP!!!(zzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzz)

    

         I need a break.. pls?...auuh..Im really tired due to school works and obligations. So when I go to bed, I enjoy every second with my pillow and blanket. I sleep so hard that nobody can dare to disturb me. My cellphone has 5 continous alarms. ( that's how lazy i am to wake up). When it starts to ring, my temper sets in. ( I want to sleep). hahai. Certified lazy student....?( alarm clock: wake up! wake up! wake up!)Okay!okay!..Then Ill jump off the bed and rush to the bathroom. The moment I open the shower, I still can remember the cold atmosphere in the room with my body sleeping in the soft big bed. (wake up!) Im still dreaming that Im sleeping.
        As what Maam Cobilla said," One who rises in bed early, makes himself wise". :D

Sweet Dreams for a Beautiful Nightmare

                 Last night, I dreamed about losing my two front teeth. It was so creepy. I look like a mother who just finished her labor pain. In my dream, I cried really really hard. I didnt even go to school because of shame. I beg mama to go to the dentist but she told me that we dont have enough money to repair my teeth. And so I cried hard again.
                 I woke up this morning with fear in my heart. I told lola about the whole dream then I realized that it was a bad sign. Many believe that when you dream about losing your teeth, someone you love will die. (Hopefully, it was not a bad sign) . But, i realy dont lose my two front row teeth. They were just cut into halves.( I know I look like crazy:D). hahai. It was an alarming thing to me because presently, i used to eat a lot of sweets. I eat candies, biscuits,everything that my crazy tounge desires(they are mostly sweets).  I promise to myself that I will now take good care of my teeth. I dont like to be a grandma in my teenage years. hehe..

I HEART MY FAMILY...

February 21,2011

 It's already 10:27 and Im ready to sleep. Im so tired extracting the ban-ugan vine leaves. hahai.. I feel so happy this day because of the love of my famly for me. They gave me extraordinary support. We joined our forces doing our science research. My uncle nelson pounded the leaves, uncle Jeter extracted th pounded leaves and lola acted as our manager. Im very thankful having them in my life. I can never have a better family. They're a gift fom God. Ill be missing my lolo, lola, and my "makukulit na uncles". I maybe leaving our place, but the moments we've shared will aways be treasured. :D

 I HEART MY FAMILY...

Laugh at EEeeee....:)))

February 22, 2011

Chemistry

Sir: how do you call a saturated hydrocarbon having a 5 carbon atoms?
Class: Pentane!!
Sir: How about if 10 carbon atoms?
Class: Decane..
Sir: What if hundreds, thousands or millions?
Class: Ha sir? Over?!
Sir: INSANE..
(Sir, pleet!!!)
__________________________________________________

Sir: Common or derive unit is still damn used today.
(wow sir, DAMN? level up!)

Filipino

Maam: Anong maari nyong gawin para makatulong sa ating gobyerno?
Class: Maging mapagmasid maam.
Maam: Tama! Ano pa?
Dianne: Mapagmatyag maam.?!?
Class: haha.. matanglawin?
___________________________________________

Maam: Anong gagawin nyo upang maging bayani?
Nimitz: Gumawa po ng mabuti sa kapwa.
Maam: Okay, ano pa?
Shirly: Magpagawa po ng kalsada papunta sa simbahan.
Leo: Magpakamatay mam. Lahat ng bayani kasi nagpakamatay.
Dianne: Hindi naman lahat ng bayani kailangang magpakamatay. Kagaya ni Manny Pacquiao. He's a living hero.
Shirly: Si Hero Angeles din po, di ba?
Mamark:  Ahh, kailangan mabutang ka sa Guiness.
Angelie: Maam, magapapakasal na lang ako kay Fernando Bayani. Magiging Angelie Bayani na ako, di ko na kailangang magpakamatay.hehe.
(napakabait na mga estudyante)

Trigonometry

Sir: Actually, naay nangahagbong.
Class: Ha sir?
Girls: Naai baje nahagbong sir?
Sir: Basta kasagaran laki.
Leo: Sir, naai half?
(Gays only admit their identity when they are shocked or they slipped they're tounges..For leo, he was busted with his own tounge.:p)

bleeeeh..:p

This is me and showie..she looks younger than me but in reality, Im one year younger than her.

Ill have a blissful family soooooooooooon....

           I used to have a perfect and happy family when I was on my early childhood. I 've been missing those moments when my mama spend a lot of time caring for me whole day long. As I grew up, all of those wonderful moments started to perish. My parents went abroad for financial matters. They've been thinking for my future. When I moved here in province, I started to notice that my parent's relationship deteriorates. I never dare to ask my parents or my grandparents about our issues because Im afraid to know the truth. The truth which I know in myself that I cant really accept. Acceptance is hard to achieve especially that Im on my self molding period. But I learned to be quiet in all the things that have been happening around me. I learned to understand things that never been given clear explainations and reasons. I always think that its better to pretend that nothing's wrong to hide all the pain. I hate heartaches. Im just a quiet person when I do encounter problems. I used to be alone and be isolated on my own.  I  have no one to talk to with all my burden, and so I met God. He never refuse to listen to me a million times. He has a unique way to comfort me everytime. With all of my burdens, I encountered a lot of things in myself.
1. First is pain. Pain is never absent on my life. It always attacks me. I think the most painful thing to have is family separation. It confused my mind a lot wherever I go.

2.Second is jealousy. I really get jealous seeing a whole family painted with happy faces.

3.Third is acceptance. Its hard to accept that Im living on a broken home. Its hard to understand and accept everything.

4.Fourth is forgiveness. The blame in my parents is difficult to erase. But because of my great love to them, I already have forgiven mama and papa.

5. Lastly is future insights. They dont go away on my mind everytime Im alone. I always imagine each of my parents having a new family. Its the only thing Im very sure that I really really cant accept.

   
       In my 15 years of existence, we never had a family picture.And that will be the most precious gift I can receive on my graduation this march.I know its impossible,but nobody forbids me to stop dreaming.

Through all of these dilemmas, there still a little hope that remains in my heart. Im still hoping that my parents will find a way to be together again. With the guidance of God, Ill survive. He will never leave me on my long journey. :D 

These are some tips that can help someone like me.

Do's and Don'ts

If your parents have recently separated, or you are comforting someone whose parents have separated, these are some "Do's and Don'ts" to keep in mind: * Don't isolate yourself from others. This can lead to deep depression. Seek help from a trusted friend or pastor.

* Do talk about your thoughts and feelings. Also, consider keeping a journal to God so you are expressing yourself to Him.

* Do pray and read the Bible. Know that God is there for you during this time. Allow this situation to draw you to Him.

* Don't play referee or take sides with a parent. Don't talk bad about one parent to the other.

* Do be honest with everyone involved, including your parents.

* Don't be an emotional shoulder for your parents. If they are upset let them know you care but they need to talk to someone else because you are not responsible for their emotional well being.

* Do be willing to forgive. If anyone involved comes to you and apologizes, be willing to forgive him or her.

IM T-I-R-E-D.....

iM tired crying out with my family problems...I hope I can overcome it well...hmmm, its the missing piece of me...But still love you mama and papa!